Are You a Convicted Child Rapist? Apply Now for an Intelligence Role with Northumbria Police

 

Covert Human Intelligence Source (CHIS)

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne area

Salary: £9,680

Hours: Part-time

Contract type: Fixed-term

Job ref: INSANE-666

Job description

Are you a convicted sex offender seeking a new career in the public service?

Northumbria Police are now recruiting for a highly motivated Covert Human Intelligence Source (CHIS) to support Operation Shelter, the anti-grooming initiative set up after it became impossible any longer to cover up rampant child-grooming by Pakistani Muslims.

This new role has been created in response to a shortage of career opportunities for BME child rapists in the Newcastle area.

In line with our equal opportunities policies, preference will be given to ugly middle-aged men with chronic personal hygiene problems.

Qualifications

Applicants should be Pakistani origin Muslims (will consider also Bangladeshi, Iraqi, Turkish) with at least one prior conviction for child rape or endangerment, and an established network of contacts within the UK Islamic paedophile gang-rape community.

Previous experience of plying minors with cocaine, 'meow meow', cannabis and/or alcohol will be considered advantageous.

Benefits

In addition to a generous salary, the successful applicant will be given immunity from prosecution and regular access to rape parties providing alcohol, drugs and underage white girls.

Application process

Send your rap sheet and police mugshot to:

Human Resources
Northumbria Police HQ
Wallsend
NE28 9NT